


Saluting

by Evil_Sapphyre



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-04-14
Packaged: 2018-03-22 21:34:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3744355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Sapphyre/pseuds/Evil_Sapphyre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Normandy SR1 is still sitting in dock, waiting for its maiden launch, and its XO. So, of course, Kaidan Alenko finds himself having to emergency repair something on the bridge before either the Captain or the Commander find out about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saluting

"We haven't even left dock, and you already broke something."

"I wouldn't say I broke it."

Kaidan Alenko knelt in front of the piloting console on the brand new SSV Normandy, a datapad and assorted tools spread out along the ground beside him. In the navigator's seat next to him sat the disgruntled pilot, Joker, currently staring at the ceiling of the bridge.

"Is it working?"

"Well, not exactly…"

"Then it's broken." Kaidan couldn’t repress the sigh as he tried to a get a grasp on what the pilot had done to the console in front of him. The console in question currently appeared quite dead, none of its lights on. "What the hell were you even trying to do?"

"I was making improvements."

"Improvements? It's state of the art, Joker!"

"And it could use some improvements!" Joker managed to both sound angry and aggressive as he spat the words back at Kaidan.

"Just… what did you do?"

"There's this piece… on the back of the console."

Kaidan shook his head and grabbed a small flashlight from the tools beside him. With a slight grunt, he crawled underneath the console, having to practically lie on his back in order to get a good glimpse. He shined the flashlight on the back of the console, seeing the only thing that Joker could be referring to. Nestled snuggly in some jack was a small piece of white plastic, looking a bit scored and charred around the socket.

"Who put this back here?"

"Uh, I did."

"Ever think it maybe didn't go there?"

"It fit?"

Kaidan felt a sudden throb of pain pulse through his left temple. Despite the impressive reputation that accompanied Joker's piloting skills, he was certainly having doubts having this man be in charge of flying this multi-billion dollar spacecraft. (Not to mention he didn’t even want to think how the pilot managed to get the piece into the console, and yet couldn’t get it back out.)

"I thought pilots were supposed to be smart." Kaidan managed to half smirk, not that Joker was able to see it. The marine reached forward and tried to remove the piece of plastic. It stubbornly refused to budge.

"Nah, that's just a myth."

"And how did you graduate again?"

"My charm and good looks mostly. Plus, I do this one thing with my tongue. Drives the ladies wild."

"Let me guess… all your instructors were women?" Kaidan wasn’t sure as to exactly why he was encouraging Joker's current train of thought, but it seemed to elicit a laugh from the pilot.

"God, I wish." Joker sighed wistfully.

"You better hope the Captain doesn't get wind of this."

"He won't…unless you tell him. Besides, he's too preoccupied waiting on the new XO to arrive. Did you know Shepard sent her bags along first? Couldn't even be bothered to carry them herself."

"Maybe she was held up and someone offered to take her bags here for her?"

"Or maybe, she's too stuck on herself as some big war hero and feels it's beneath her."

Kaidan found himself shaking his head again before grimacing slightly as the stuck piece of plastic finally gave way and popped from the socket. He was not sure what it was intended to originally be, but the thing had obviously overloaded and fried itself. Hopefully, it had not taken the console with it. This entire fiasco was already giving him the start of a headache, from the faint buzzing he felt rather than heard at the back of his jaw. "Alright Joker, why don't you try starting this thing back up?"

"Yeah, yeah, give me a moment…” It was evident from the sounds that the pilot was attempting to move the short distance from the navigator's chair over to the pilot's station. The shuffling of feet suddenly stopped. "Well, hello, gorgeous."

_ Gorgeous? _ Kaidan shifted underneath the console trying to figure out what the hell had suddenly grabbed the pilot's attention, his eyes immediately focusing on the set of long, shapely legs standing at the entrance of the bridge. For a moment, he could not help but stare, taking in the sight of the bare legs that trailed up beyond his field of vision, at least from this vantage point.

"You looking for something in particular, babe?"

The legs moved closer, as the woman stepped onto the bridge, snapping Kaidan out of his dazed staring. "I'm looking for Captain Anderson."

Kaidan hastily slid out from under the console and pushed himself onto his feet, trying desperately not to notice that the only thing covering those legs was a tight black skirt. An impossibly short skirt, that seemed to ride uncomfortably high (for him at least) on the woman's upper thighs.

"Ma'am, this is a restricted area,” Kaidan moved to intercept her path further into the bridge.

She stopped in her tracks as he approached her, one eyebrow slightly arched in question. Standing in front of her now completed his earlier view. The little black skirt was paired with a dark red halter that shimmered even in the dim light and clung to her chest, with a v-neckline that offered a teasing glance of her breasts. Little of what she wore left much to the imagination, and it all seemed too perfectly planned to not purposefully draw attention and stares. Kaidan was never one for casual lusts, but even part of his mind was fascinated with finding out exactly how perky those breasts really were and how those legs would feel twisted around him. The thoughts certainly at least made his mouth go a bit dry.

Fortunately, the rational part of his mind was still in charge and had kept him from staring, which was probably for the best. The woman, whose blonde hair was swept up in some kind of stylized knot, seemed to be questioning him with her blue eyes. There was something about how she looked at him for that brief moment that told him that she was not accustomed to being restricted about much of anything.

"Tell Captain Anderson that Commander Shepard is here to see him."

His own eyebrows immediately flew up in question, as he found himself doing a double take on the entire view of the woman before him. This was Commander Shepard? The hero of the Skyllian Blitz and N7 agent? Dressed up like any of the other tarts that threw themselves at Alliance men on shore leave? He quickly dismissed the thought and forced his eyes back to meet hers. "I'm afraid that I'll need some identification, ma'am."

Without a worded response, she offered him a small datacard that she had been holding in her left hand. Kaidan took the card and pressed a button to activate the mini-display, a small headshot of the same blonde woman appearing on the card, along with her name: _Lieutenant Commander Alexis Shepard_.

She appeared to wait a moment as he looked over her credentials, arms crossed underneath her breasts and a faint flush of color touching her cheeks. When he finally handed back the datacard, she finally spoke, her voice slightly terse. "And if there is any doubt to my clearance still, Zulu Hotel Bravo Papa Sierra Mike 4niner356."

Kaidan kept his face neutral despite feeling an internal flinch as she rattled off the emergency clearance code. It was meant to be used in the event of non-power situations, not to question the identity of your superior officers. He only hoped that she was embarrassed at her current situation, rather than angry at him for doing his job. "Sorry, ma'am. I had to be certain that you were who you claimed to be."

She waved his statement off with a dismissive gesture. "Don't worry about it. I obviously shouldn't be expecting salutes when off duty."

"Oh, I got a salute for you…” Kaidan’s ears burned over the hushed words from the pilot sitting behind him. Kaidan hoped that the comment was too soft for Shepard to have heard, but the slight furrow of her brow indicated that she had caught enough of it.

"Would you please just send someone for the captain?" Her voice was carefully neutral despite the flash of annoyance in her blue eyes. 

"Yes ma'am."

"No need, Lieutenant," Kaidan straightened his posture just a bit more at the sudden arrival of the Captain, despite the fact that the all attention was still riveted on the blonde on deck. "Welcome aboard, Commander."

"Thank you, sir."

"I trust the Admiral didn't interrupt your plans too much?"

"Of course not, sir. Just a little shore leave. All thirty-one hours of it."

Anderson laughed slightly. "It's good to know that the Admiral hasn't changed his tact much at least. Well, allow me to introduce you to some of the crew here. This is Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. He'll be reporting to you as head of the marine detachment."

Kaidan wiped his hand against the side of his leg, trying to remove the sweat and grime from his earlier task from it, before extending it forward. "Pleasure to be serving with you, ma'am."

She took his hand and gave it a firm shake. A flicker of static resonated between them, as the buzzing intensified along the back of his jaw. It was unmistakably the trace feeling of biotic energy. She gave him a curious look before releasing his hand. "Likewise."

"And, this is the _Normandy_ 's pilot, Flight Lieutenant Jeffrey Moreau, call sign Joker."

"I'll be your glorified cab driver. Tips are appreciated. Just a FYI."

"Joker…" Kaidan fought to keep from sighing again, his fingers twitching as a pain in his temple throbbed once more.

"What? I'm just saying…"

Both captain and commander looked at the two of them questioningly. "If you'll come with me Commander, I have a turian guest that I need to introduce you to as well."

"Of course, sir. There wouldn't be any chance that some marines with my gear have shown up already?"

Kaidan cleared his throat, trying not to flinch under the sudden scrutiny of those blue eyes of hers. "I believe they dropped off your gear on the crew deck earlier today, ma'am.”

Shepard nodded her thanks. "Then if you'll excuse me, Captain, I'm going to go change into something more appropriate for duty."

"Of course, Commander. I'll meet you in my office in 10."

Shepard nodded once more before heading away from the bridge to the CIC. Kaidan did his best to not let his eyes linger on the curve of her ass as she walked away, or the fact that only a few tied laces were the only thing holding that top on.

Joker immediately began a slow whistle as he watched her go that he quickly turned into a cough as Captain Anderson glared at him. He then looked to the tools on the ground and then to Kaidan. "I trust that this will be fixed?" 

"Yes, sir." Annoyance gnawed at the pit of Kaidan’s stomach, but he never let it register on his face.

Anderson nodded and then gave another glaring look at Joker before walking away himself. Joker managed to look sheepish up until Anderson was out of earshot then he grinned. He hobbled back over to the pilot's chair and sat down, "Remind me to find out wherever she takes shore leave.

"Just try turning this thing back on before the Captain decides to throw us both off the ship…”

Joker rolled his eyes before leaning forward and pressing a button on the console. Lights immediately began to flicker as the display came back to life. Kaidan's mind breathed an internal sigh of relief, and he immediately began gathering the tools on the ground.

"Hey, what do you know…” Even Joker managed to sound a bit amazed at the fact that the thing worked again. “So thong or au natural?"

Kaidan nearly choked at the question. "Excuse me?"

"You know, the Commander. I'm thinking thong."

"That's entirely inappropriate. She's our XO!"

"Oh, please. I saw you staring as she walked off. You can't tell me that you've not thought about those legs wrapped around you, trying to make you pop."

Kaidan couldn't deny the fact that a similar thought had occurred to him, before he knew it was Shepard at least. "I thought she was too stuck on herself?" 

"Like that matters. She can be stuck on herself all she wants, so long as she's stuck on me."

"You do realize she's N7, right?"

Joker snorted slightly. "Let her femme fatale me up. I won't mind. Tell you what, Alenko. I'll show her that trick I do with my tongue, and I'll share any pics I get of her."

Kaidan gave Joker a flat look, as he stood back up tools in hand. "She'd break you."

Joker sighed wistfully once again. "Yeah, but it'd be worth it."


End file.
